Bitch Betta Have My Money: AT&T Wireless

The Deal Messiah is not to be trifled with, especially when it comes to his cell phone coverage. AT&T, despite being very convincing in their fancy commercials, has failed to deliver for the second month in a row. Of all the places in the grand old USA, midtown NYC simply shouldn't make the list of places where your celly drops calls. This kind of thing brings out the "D Game" in the Deal Messiah.

I'm up in NYC for an extended celebratory weekend with the crew. Extended meaning my fun bus connection through Baltimore got canceled due to snow (surprise surprise) and I'm here for another night. I dropped multiple calls during the day yesterday, and I sensed an opportunity via AT&T. They're developing a strong track record of incompetence, and mid town NYC is a place where one would expect decent coverage. I called *611 and quickly got down to brass tax with $2.00/hr call center employee Latoya. Here are the results:



Latoya was the ideal person to get on the line, and ask the age old question, what can you guys do for me, as a valuable customer? Conveniently, through the course of our 10 minute phone call, AT&T dropped the call 3 times. Latoya was competent enough to call me back each time, run a search on my address on the West Side to determine a tower was experiencing a power issue, and also to credit me $50 for my "frustration". Quick tip, don't let them transfer you to technical support, there is ultimately nothing those chumps can do but waste your time, and they're not on the account side of things, so they can't credit your account.

Between the $40 credit I received from AT&T last month, and this month's $50 credit, I have a negative balance and AT&T effectively owes me money, which is nice for a change. And as they have "come calling" in the past for my payment, I will repay them in kind.

The Deal Messiah Return Rally Challenge: How I Made Over $100 By Going Shopping

The Deal Messiah is unfortunately living in a boring fiefdom, devoid of character and interest. Thus, he has to create his own “fun”. Last weekend, the Deal Messiah created a “Return Rally Challenge”. It seems that Mrs. Messiah had been out shopping several times, and was letting unused items pile up. It was time for action, and a little fun with the local merchants.

I decided to attempt to return items to 4 different stores without a receipt. Most of the items were used, such as the shampoo from Target. I went 4 for 4, and surprisingly didn’t have a single issue with a manager. With this many outrageous returns, I normally prepare myself for at least one rebuttal, or at least a raised eyebrow. Not that it would matter, I have an answer to every rebuttal.

Bed Bath & Beyond: Returned a gimmicky kitchen tool without a receipt, received $10 in credit, which I rolled into a head massager and a candle. The candle was on a clearance rack, retailing for $25, I got the clearance price of 50% off, and it was also improperly marked down an additional 50% off. I had to get the manager out for it, but he submitted, and manually marked it down. My total out of pocket was $.27, but I asked the cashier if she could spot me $.02, which she did, so I could get 3 quarter back as change.

K-Mart: Bread & Butter style. Returned a strand of used Christmas Icicle lights we didn’t like, and an extension cord for $12.73 back on the plastic.

Ross: Returned a pair of work out pants that shrank in the dryer on me, $18.57. Rolled the credit into a heavily discounted dog bed for the back of our suv, for the new puppy.

Target: Returned a variety of used bathroom products, including some fancy shampoo that Mrs. Messiah didn’t like. No receipts, naturally. $48.25 back on the plastic.

Total time, under 2 hours. Nice work.

BOGO Rooms @ The Homestead Inn

The Deal Messiah recently brought his “D” game to Austin, TX. Entirely by circumstance, The Deal Messiah was given an opportunity, and as an Ayn Rand style “capitalist” maxed the opportunity out, in a big way…



I always try to run lean, so a buddy and I decided to split a room (with two beds of course). The best value was apparently the Homestead Inn. And the efficiency suite lent itself to our plans to drink multiple beers, with its full size fridge.

The room was one notch above unacceptable, but I decided to postpone "making it rain free rooms", as I was running late to meet my buddy for dinner at WhatABurger. The WhatAFish sandwich is the ticket. After popping off on 6th street, we returned to our room, and my buddy mentioned that it looked like a rat had taken a shit on his bed. Almost immediately, I called the “night manager” and started working my magic. I specifically, and drunkenly, told Cynthia to make a note so that I could address the situation with the day manager.

The next morning, I went down and explained that we had a situation the night before, and asked what they could do for me. Adam at the front desk said that he could move me to another room and possibly offer a discount. He said he would have to ask the day manager Linda.

$1.50/hr employees usually aren’t allowed to make decisions, as was the case with young Adam.

I went to check out the room, and heard some noise in the hallway. As my luck is always up, I happened to run into the manager Linda outside, and explained that we’d had an issue the previous night. I was very nice while impressing my stature upon her.

Within minutes, Linda's henchwoman was told to “Make us Happy.” Despite the hotel being full for the weekend, we were somehow upgraded to the top floor of the hotel, and each given our own suite with King bed, for the same price. I was very pleased.

FFwd to the last night of our stay, it got cold, and I noticed my heater wasn’t working. I called young Adam up to figure it out, as I had to go to dinner, and left him to his devices. Naturally, being a $1.50/hr employee, he couldn’t figure it out.

While freezing my rumpus off the entire night, I placed another complaint with the night manager. On our way out the door to the airport, I asked what they could do for me at the front desk, and they said they would be refunding us the full night stay for the previous night.
Not a bad deal overall.

Craigslist: 5 Selling Tips. How We Made $40 On A 2 Year Old Set Of Bookshelves

The Deal Messiah is preparing to move from one castle to another in a few months. In preparation, he is systematically selling off miscellaneous items via Craigslist. By doing this ahead of time, he can command top dollar for what he is selling, and avoid getting himself into a "fire sale" situation.

We had a little scare this morning, our new puppy didn't feel good, and once he went #2, we discovered what the problem was. He had eaten an entire piece of our floor rug, therefore it had to go. We're moving anyways in about 6 weeks. So why not.

In the process, we decided to go ahead and pack up all of our volumes of fine literature, and sell off our bookshelves. Mrs. Messiah snapped these up at Target at a "back to school" clearance event for $9.99 a pop. They're two years old, and not in the greatest shape, but I said let's try to sell them on Craigslist.

At 1:35 pm, I posted the following on Craigslist:



At 2:02 pm, I had my first buyer call me, and said she was very interested and would like to come see the bookshelves.

How was I so successful you ask?

1. Price it right (typically 50% of retail) $75 ask on a $150 set of shelves
2. List your phone number only, if comfortable doing so. This eliminates the dozen people that will email you if "its still available" or lowballers. Only serious buyers will pick up the phone and call.
3. Note in the post: If you're reading this, it's still available
4. Cash buyers only, always specify this, and never take a check
5. If people try to negotiate, always tell them you have others interested, and that you don't feel comfortable dropping your drawers yet.

Anyways, our buyer showed up about 2 hours later with a pickup truck, and we graciously helped her load the bookshelves into it. With $75 cash in hand, we know have plenty of coin to blow on Valentines Day Dinner.

PetSmart: Greenies & Kongs For Old Used Toys???

Mrs. Messiah insists on purchasing an excessive number of "puppy toys" for the new dog. The Deal Messiah will be going on such a "toy run" this afternoon, under the guise of going to see about some "better food".

I'm generally annoyed with the prices of dog accessories, not to mention the looming specter of vet care. What a ridiculous industry that it. Lest I digress, let's get to the hustle.



Pictured above are used accessories from our last "giant breed" dog. Our new dog is much smaller, and we simply can't use this stuff anymore. I'm going to take a shot at actually going to PetSmart, and making money (for once), by attempting to return these items without a receipt.

Naturally, any credit I can hustle will be immediately spent on the latest "Kong" or "Greenie", but whatever, it's the principle of the matter.

Eddie Bauer: Recycling Is Good

The Deal Messiah knows that "recycling is good" for the earth and environs. Recycling with Eddie Bauer is even better.

Here's the haul I ultimately got in exchange for doing the good deed of "recycling" my old used shirts. I even still have $82 in credit to spend...



Thanks Eddie!

Eddie Bauer: Recycling Old Shirts For $260 In Store Credit

The Deal Messiah recently returned from a Brett Favre style retirement with a $260 return at the local Eddie Bauer retail store. Like "magic" he turned 6 cotton/cashmere long sleeve shirts originally purchased back in 2006, into $260 in store credit, alakazamm! The Deal Messiah bends the rules as Moses parts the seas. It was a fine day overall for the Deal Messiah.

I neatly folded the old shirts, and brought them into the store in a respectable looking Banana Republic bag, for the look of "legitimacy".



It's always important to size up the employees working at the store, when deciding who you should present your return to. Pesky managers can have a tendency to get rankled when you present clearly used clothing that may or may not still be registered in their system due to it's age. In my case, I went for a 20 something somewhat competent looking employee. Probably not old enough to be the manager, but most likely knew enough to be able to process the return without "asking permission" from the store manager. Bingo.

20 minutes later, I had a store credit for $262.50, as good ol' Eddie even refunded the tax I had paid on the shirts several years back. I was expecting $20 a shirt which was in line with a clearance sale they were running in the store, but to my delight, received a credit of $40 per used shirt. WHATS UP.

Another benefit of taking your returns to the store, is that they have phones inside the store. If you order in the store, shipping is free. I also timed the return with a huge clearance sale Eddie Bauer was running, so that I could leverage my store credit even further. As you can see, I came away with quite a haul. I also had $82.65 leftover in credit, for future use.

Eddie Bauers Aah-Some Fleece: + 15% off code

Bankruptcy seems to have been a positive thing for Eddie Bauer. They’re actually putting out some cool new products. Such as the awesome Aah-some Fleece Jacket. As an aside, I’m not being paid for this “thumbs up” (as Eddie Bauer hates me). I actually just received one in the mail, courtesy of Mr. Bauers liberal return policy. I still have some credit leftover from my hefty return, so I may purchase a few more in different colors. Yes, it’s that cool.



Anyways, this fleece is a standout, and currently 60% off at $39.99. Eddie Bauer also emailed me a new customer 15% off code, feel free to use it for online purchases:
15% Off Online Purchases: BAUER16. Updated

Petco: Recycling Used Dog Food, Can It Be Done?

The Deal Messiah was placed into an awkward situation yesterday, via the demands of his new brood, and Mrs. Messiah. It seems that middle quality dog food he bought isn’t wholly organic (a.k.a. not good enough) for the new pup. Therefore, the 40 lb bag of dog food he bought last week was money down the drain. Or was it? It didn’t help that the Deal Messiah prematurely emptied the bag into a big tub, and threw away the original bag and receipt. The situation clearly posted the perpetual lingering question:

Can anything be returned?


I’m an eternal optimist, or so my friends say, so I decided to try it out, if only for the benefit of you sch-luffs. I called my local PetCo and asked to speak with the manager.

Always ask for a decision maker, get their name, and don’t be a jerk.

-The Deal Messiah

I explained my situation to “Peter”, and told him that my puppy was not eating the food. Then asked if I could bring it in for an exchange and he said, “As long as the food bag is more than half full, we’ll take it back for an exchange.”
Even in my world, this is preposterous. But I will certainly be heading over to PetCo later this morning with a couple of trash bags filled with dog food. Whats up.

LL Bean: Easy Returns, And A Note To Mr. Bean Himself

The Deal Messiah recently expanded his brood via a new puppy which will go unnamed. As a master “recycler”, he got to thinking, and realized the new pup will need a nice new fuzzy bed to lounge on. The Deal Messiah is known for “chillin” and seeking out “comfort” in the form of lazyboy furniture, and will provide the same to the animals under his care. (Currently a fish and a puppy)

That said, I got to thinking about a used L.L. Bean dog bed that’s been down in our storage unit for the last year or so. We wisely kept all of our ridiculous dog “accessories” from our last big dog, as we planned to get another one in the future. Well Disciples, the future is now. Carpe Diem, especially when it comes to returning things to bloated retailers, like L.L. Bean.



It’s not quite as fun with L.L. Bean, as they have an “L.L. Bean Easy Returns” process and a 100% satisfaction policy. This removes most of the challenge, and therefore fun out of the returns process. L.L. Bean even lets you print a pre-paid return label via UPS, and simply subtracts $6.50 from your order. This stuff is pretty absurd, but still comes in second to Eddie Bauer’s “Chapter 11 style” returns policy.



A note to Mr. Bean.

Dear Mr. Bean, if you’re reading this, thank you for the new dog bed that you’re about to send to us completely free of charge. This dog bed we’re sending back to you is worn, but we’re not completely satisfied. The bed is too big for our new dog.
Thanks again,
The Deal Messiah

AT&T: How Do I Negotiate Overage Charges?

As the Deal Messiah types, he has Mary Kate of ATT Wireless on speakerphone. It seems that ATT is feeling liberal about charging excessive “usage fees” on text messaging rates. Nonsense that the Deal Messiah is practically born to combat.
I do not trust ATT or companies of their ilk. Their devil incarnate feature is known as the “auto-pay” service. This is most certainly designed to slide outrageous charges past the drooping eyes of sluggish customers. Instead, I opt to kill as many trees as possible, and therefore receive paper statements from “any and all” companies of said genre.



Today, it has paid off. I opened my ATT Wireless statement, in its pretty innocent little orange envelope, and there it was. A $31.35 usage charge, for text messaging overages, of all things. As ATT literally only has three plans to choose from, and I communicate with the majority of my disciples over text, I opt for the $15, 1500 minute plan. Apparently, during college football bowl season and the holidays (yawn), this was not enough, and I went way over 2,000 texts to the tune of $.05 a message. It’s embarassing enough to admit that I have the texting habits of a teenage girl, but even worse to take it on the chin and actually pay for it.

(Update) I’m off the phone with Mary-Kate, as getting this handled was so simple and easy that the duration of the call was 6 minutes, 22 seconds. Including hold time. I simple pressed zero to get right through to Mary-Kate, told her I had overages, and asked what they could do for me. She apologized for the overages, and then offered to upgrade me to the “unlimited plan” for only $5 more per month, as she could retroactively assign the unlimited texts to last months statement. I accepted, and she credited back $26.35 to my account, and I now have unlimited texts.
However, I don’t really need them, now that the football season is over. But if the Lane Kiffin, Pete Carroll, Urban Meyer coaching circus continues in such dramatic fashion, it might warrant such an excessive texting package.
Regardless, ATT customers are free to change packages as they wish, so I will probably just wait until the end of my billing cycle, and switch back to the $15/month plan that I originally had. Whats up.

Eddie Bauers Ridiculous Return Policy

Weaker hands dread the “art of the return”. The Deal Messiah savors even the thought of it. It really is, after all, a mindset.
Due to the atrociously cold weather (whatever happened to global warming?) I recently brought out all of my “winter weather” gear. Naturally hailing from the southeast (location to remain undisclosed) I really don’t have much of it, but I have a small collection nonetheless. And this leads me to be a man of efficiency when it comes to my winter wardrobe.

My old friend Eddie Bauer and I have known each other for years, and get along quite well. Unlike the dirt-heads shown protesting EBs new “nano-fibers” above. Whatever. I’m staring at a small arsenal of Eddie Bauer “brand name” cold weather cotton/cashmere blend knits that I purchased about 3 years ago. As the crappy clothing that Eddie Bauer sells tends to do, it has all shrunk down to a point where it doesn’t fit me. This is unacceptable, and I’m planning to return all 6 sweaters, as well as a thicker cotton 1/4 zip up that has been irking me as it no longer fits.
I will update you sch-luffs with the results of my return in a future post. But for now, I’m just going to savor it.

Macys: Getting Retroactive Discounts On Items You Already Own

The Deal Messiah recently crossed the threshold into marriage-land. And, yes, it is sweet. However, he has found himself at the mall more often that he would like (once or twice a year). Always an opportunist, and making the most of any situation, the Deal Messiah was also able to benefit from such a senseless trip to the mall, via Macy’s liberal refund policy (one of his favorites).

While sauntering about the store, I noticed there was a clearance sale at the watch and jewelry counter. The Deal Messiah is drawn to clearance and 50% off signs like tiger woods to a...nevermind. Despite not having a receipt (which are for amateurs) I approached the $6/hr employee and told him that the watch on my wrist was a wedding gift, but would like to return it, and repurchase it with the clearance discount being offered. Naturally, Macy’s does have a liberal return policy. I say,

“If they can do a parade, they can most certainly take a return.” – The Deal Messiah

He looked confused and then balked, haughtily telling me, “Messieurs, that will not be possible.” Was this guy French or something? I immediately asked for the manager so that I could explain my situation to a “decision maker”.

Messieur $6/hr employee returned after a few minutes, with a much different attitude (somewhat friendly) and asked if I would simply like a credit applied directly to my credit card. + $102.15 on my visa, a much happier Deal Messiah sauntered off to find Mrs. Messiah.

Overstock Sent Me The Wrong Item, How To Leverage It

Let’s face it, they can’t get it right everytime. Even if they are idiots. There’s nothing more annoying that scouring for that special deal on overstock.com, paying for it, and waiting 5 days via their $2.95 shipping, only to get the completely wrong item.
The Deal Messiah found himself quite perturbed with such nonsense. And promptly reflected on the situation, in order to create the appropriate response.
I naturally paid with Paypal.com, as they’re the only company to offer you any chance of leverage in getting your money back. Ebay is a total joke when it comes to customer service or getting any sort of refund, but that is another topic. Lest I digress into a tirade against that joke of a site, I forge ahead.
Paypal has a retarded rule (they won’t issue a refund if an item you receive is incorrect) so they immediately ruled against me. Thanks for screwing your customer, guys. Much appreciated.
Thus, I decided to deal with some $.50 an hour customer service rep from Overstock, via the live chat feature. After slowly harassing me for all kinds of information, he apologized, and the hustle began.

I basically went straight to the point and asked him what he could do for me. He said he could credit me $5. Unacceptable, on a $14 purchase. I countered with $10, and he said no. I then asked him if they were going to pay for my return shipping, and explained how that would probably cost $8. He offered me $7, and I said no.
Longer story short, I got my $10 credit, and got to keep the wrong item (which I will still use btw) for only $4. It’s all about the O.

Amazon.com: Waiting For The Discount

I admit it, I stalled on getting a new laptop for months. My wife was fed up with the process, but I can be pretty anal, and refuse to take anything but the best deal. I am after all, the DEAL MESSIAH.

With all that aside, I’d been stalking a toshiba satellite laptop for weeks on various online retailers, including amazon.com, and noticed a price drop of $100 there. I hemmed and hawed over it, and decided to “buy it tomorrow” as there was a good college football game about to start.
Naturally, when I went back the next day, the $100 discount had disappeared, and the laptop was back up to full price. Crap. I tried calling amazon and went through a few layers of management, only to be denied. I worked the old:
I thought I bought it but the transaction must have been messed up on your website, hustle. They weren’t biting, so I sat back and waited.
I suspected that Amazon jacked the price up $100 to poach a few last minute holiday shoppers, so I sat back and waited. Sure enough, 3 days later, the price dropped back down $100 to the previous discount price. Amazon had their own hustle going, and I approve. I just know enough to not get caught in it. Now you do too.
That didn’t stop me from calling when I purchased, and asking one of their sales reps for a one time discount, as they had messed up my transaction a few days earlier. He was happy to comply and gave me $10 off, which payed for my expedited shipping.

Gyms & Free Trials

So, I found myself out of town for three weeks over this Christmas holiday. And away from my local gym. My goal was to maintain the level of fitness I’d built up leading up to said vacation, but I had one problem, no place to work out.
Solution: 15 minutes of research into the different gyms in the area I was visiting in Tennessee and found these guys, The Rush. They were conveniently offering a no strings attached 14 day free trial period. I went in, took 10 minutes to register and listen to a weak sales pitch, and off I went into free workout land. I managed to get in 3 lifts, 3 runs, and a yoga class which was pretty good. It also helped me feel not quite as worthless after overeating ridiculous meal after holiday meal, and drinking so many beers watching the endless college football bowl season.
Bonus tip: Most health clubs run specials during the holidays, going after the “I’m going to get in shape this year crowd” and New Years resolution fatties who are going to sign 2 year gym contracts, but will fall off after a month or two. It’s a strong business for them, and potentially a good deal for you.

AT&T: Turn 2 Dropped Calls Into A $39.99 Credit

The Deal Messiah has absolutely ZERO tolerance for dropped calls, particularly on freeways and in areas that just shouldn't have dropped calls. It is unacceptable, particularly considering what most of us pay for monthly service for our beloved cellys.

I was driving to the airport to pick up Grandma Messiah recently, and decided to make a few calls on the way (as safety is always foremost in my mind). Within 5 minutes, I had one conversation, and a voice mail interrupted by dropped calls. Nonsense that I simply won't stand for.

I immediately called AT&T customer service, and pressed 0 until I got one of their $1.50 an hour reps on the horn. It should be noted that these people are, deservedly, treated like second class citizens for hours a day, and if you play nice with them, you'd be surprised how far you can push it.



I buttered up Sonya, the AT&T customer service rep, like a 15 pound turkey on Thanksgiving Day. She was loving my spiel, or my "game" as some would put it. She actually did check in on my dropped calls, and sure enough, a local tower had gone down. Once she told me that a tower was down, I pulled my classic one liner:

So, what you can you guys do for me, as a valued customer?

Sonya replied that she could go ahead and give me a $39.99 credit, which was equal to the base rate of my phone plan for the entire month. I was quite pleased with this result, and felt the 12 minutes I spent on the call was worth my time. It was also amusing to slang game at my little AT&T butterball.

Craigslist: How To Wheel And Deal Office Chairs

The Deal Messiah is always on the lookout for a deal. Let's face it, it's second nature to him. So when he saw a Herman Miller Aeron chair selling for $275 on Craigslist, he "snuck it" immediately. These bad boys retail for around $850.



I was already heading that way for another errand, so I did a quick scan of Craigslist, and there she was. In this type of deal situation, you literally have to send an email or call the seller (if there is a phone number listed). If it's really a bargain, I normally send an email to this effect:

Hi, I will buy your chair. I am a cash buyer and come and pick it up today, if that works for you.

I was "first to the scene" and knocked the chair price down to $262, after pointing out a few blemishes. I knew that even if I didn't like it, I could turn around and sell it for a profit, which I ultimately did.

The chair turned out to be a little too small, so I turned around and sold it on Craigslist for $375, cash. I had a few cocky "lowball" buyers on craigslist, but ignored them until the right buyer came along. And by right I mean a guy who called me, and said I will buy your chair, come pick it up today, and pay you full asking price. Shazam.

I rolled the $375 into two chairs that I found at a wholesale office chair place a few towns over (on craigslist), and negotiated down to $400 cash, out the door, from a starting price of $475.

End result, two awesome office chairs that retail for over $1,000 for Mrs. Messiah and I, for $285.

Recycling Gift Cards With PlasticJungle.com

The Deal Messiah, like a persistent hunting dog, has tracked and found a GREAT website where you can buy, sell, or trade unwanted gift cards.

You will take a bit of a haircut on the exchange, but its just a trim, not a chop.

Returning Unwanted Christmas Gifts

Returns line at Wally World



Pause, and look around for a minute. Yes, there is probably at least $100 worth of unnecessary Christmas giftage that you should get off your butt and return.

• NYC 20 somethings living out their “Sex and the City” dream, look to your tiny closet and pull out that ugly matching knit cap and gloves (true story) from JC Penny and go get yourself some heels that those I Bankers will love.
• Alabama gents, take a gander at that third bag of socks from Wally World, and go get yourself a proper hunting cap for deer season. Whats up.

Tis the season to return, as the holidays present the BEST TIME OF THE YEAR TO RETURN MERCHANDISE. Here’s why:

• Nobody cares. Retail staffers get paid < $10 hr and won’t fight you over it, especially when they’re beaten down and overworked during the holidays.
• Nosy managers watching their margins aren’t so worried about negative receipts, as sales are up during the holiday season.
• Nobody has receipts, and it is very acceptable to return gifts without receipts, even for store credit rather than a straight refund.

Walmart: Gifts From "Aunty" That Suck

Are you kidding me?

Even Mr. Grinch would approve. Look at this thing.

It happens to everyone silly. While catching the “Walmart” Christmas spirit, that miscellaneous aunt or uncle that you speak to twice a year makes a half hearted attempt to get you a gift. Whether they give it a sincere try versus just getting something as cheap as possible that they think will pass at the “gift giving circle” of awkwardness.
Ugly sweater? JUST RETURN IT. They didn’t give you a receipt? JUST RETURN IT.

Nordstrom, Eddie Bauer, & More: Why They Want YOU To Return Things

The Deal Messiah is fond of saying, “Stores want you to return things you don’t like.” While such statements often fall upon dead eyes and sallow stares, it's true.
Mega-retailers such as Eddie Bauer and Nordstrom offer liberal return policies as part of their commitment to quality.

They WANT you to return something if you don’t like it. Even without a receipt, and with tags removed, they will often look the item up in their system for you. Their rationale is that you will end up buying more of their merchandise if you know you can just bring it back. Psychologically, it helps make your purchasing decisions seem easier and less final.



Eddie Bauer, despite being in the middle of Chapter 11 Bankruptcy, maintains their wide open return policy. As a college undergrad, the DEAL MESSIAH often exercised his “rights” according to Eddie Bauer’s broad return policies.

Alligator Belts & How To Return Spontaneous Purchases

The Deal Messiah knows that when it’s funner to buy, than to actually wear and own, JUST RETURN IT.



Let’s face it, returning an item can be a little embarrassing. The DEAL MESSIAH gets over it easily, by making justifications to himself why it is OK to return useless GARBAGGIO.
Here are just a few ways to rationalize a return:
• It’s not personal, nor a slap in the face, of the employee who will handle your return (for corporate stores, Macy’s, etc). You are NOT taking money out of the employees pocket that is handling the return. They are a public company with millions in revenues. They literally could care less.
• Think about how much money you make in an hour, versus how long it will take you to make a return. Unless you’re a powerful executive, or some type of Wall Street mogul, it probably makes sense. Taking 15 minutes to swing by the mall and return a $200 belt is probably worth your time.
• Your return will be recycled and sold in their retail outlet, at 20% off, and they will still make a profit. Where do you think most of their outlet merchandise comes from, anyways?

Rent Increase?: Tell Your Rich Landlord "No Way"

So, your landlord is RICH, do they really need that rental increase? Absolutely not. In fact, in this economy, they’re lucky to have you as a tenant.

So when that lease arrives via snail mail, turn it right back around with a letter. Attached is a real letter the DEAL MESSIAH sent to his landlord in a major city, that shall go undisclosed, but is known for offensive rents and annual increases.

Rich Landlord: “Time for that annual rental increase, peasant.”
Deal Messiah: “Hell NO!”

I simply sent the letter below to the property management company "manager", and answering a quick polite phone call from the leasing manager, to save $1,200 a year.

Halloween Costumes For 50% Less Online: Go Bananas!

Want to be the envy of your neighborhood this Halloween? Why not, it’s fun to go “bananas” right?


But, here is what your average JOEY would do.
Joey: “Damn YO, that Bananas costume is real, I’m going to buy it at the Halloween supersto’ in the mall for $59.99 plus sales tax.”
Deal Messiah: “NO.”
Disciples know that you can find even the most discretionary nonsense online for half the price. I digress to “deal shopping”, and found the same stupid banana costume online for $35, w shipping.

Half.com: Refunds Via Volume Sellers

Being the literal and worldly genius that the DEAL MESSIAH is (and also being bored) he has embarked on reading the entire Random Houses Top 100 Readers list. Avoiding books penned by Scientology and Objectivity GOONS took him a ways down the list.

Anyways, I went to Half.com, as any good hustler does, and bought some books ON THE CHEAP. For value, I bought from the VERY GOOD category, not NEW category. DUH. Buying multiple books from these volume sellers also drops the shipping charges down.

I ALWAYS buys from volume sellers. This helps the HUSTLE, particularly when “To Kill A Mockingbird” shows up and the pages are all jacked up.

The layup for refunding success lies in doing business with the volume seller. The SECRET here is that volume sellers rarely even both trying to track returns.
So SEND the email and whine to the volume seller instead, and BAM, instant refund = free book. Here is real text from the email correspondence that I just had with a volume seller on Half.com:

Response (Nidhi Jindal) 10/21/2009 02:06 AM
Hello,
Thank you for contacting (omitted) regarding your order number 45888….
I’m sorry to hear that you didn’t receive what you were expecting. There’s no need to return it to us; I’ll issue a full refund on Half.com for your order. Please allow 1-3 business days for Half.com to post the credit to your account.
We do appreciate your business and hope you’ll shop with us again!
Sincerely,
Client Services