Menage Trois Trader Joe's: The Deal Messiah Gets A Two For One

It has to happen at least once in every man's lifetime, and today it happened to the Deal Messiah. The mythical Menage A Trois. However, this wasn't of the sexual nature, although the Deal Messiah certainly felt gratified afterward.

I've had an old office chair up for sale on Craigslist now for at least two weeks with absolutely no interest.  Finally, out of the blue, I get a call from a German lady who just moved to the area.  However, she lives about 45 minutes away, and was really weird about coming to pick up the chair.  We decided that I would meet her friend, who happened to work at our local Trader Joe's, and I would do the deal with him there.

We're moving out of this god forsaken place at the end of the month, and it occurred to me that we probably have a bunch of food in the pantry that we're not going to use.  I did a quick sweep and pulled 3 cans of light coconut milk, a box of pumpkin pancake mix, and a bottle of maple syrup (all trader joe's brand).  What the hell, let's try to return this stuff, I seem to be able to return everything else known to man...including dog food.

Dude met me as promised outside of Trader Joe's, and I collected my $ for the used chair.  Sold sight unseen, only via photos.  I also mentioned to dude that I had a few returns to make, and asked if he could help me.  He said sure, no problem, and we went inside.

He turned out to be the assistant manager, and processed my returns in no time flat.  I got an exchange coupon worth enough to buy a sixer of their Fat Weasel Ale (7.1%) and a bottle of their Prosecco, which Mrs. Messiah can't seem to get enough of.

Excellent.  I love getting it a two-fer.

PetSmart: Greenies & Kongs For Old Used Toys???

Mrs. Messiah insists on purchasing an excessive number of "puppy toys" for the new dog. The Deal Messiah will be going on such a "toy run" this afternoon, under the guise of going to see about some "better food".

I'm generally annoyed with the prices of dog accessories, not to mention the looming specter of vet care. What a ridiculous industry that it. Lest I digress, let's get to the hustle.



Pictured above are used accessories from our last "giant breed" dog. Our new dog is much smaller, and we simply can't use this stuff anymore. I'm going to take a shot at actually going to PetSmart, and making money (for once), by attempting to return these items without a receipt.

Naturally, any credit I can hustle will be immediately spent on the latest "Kong" or "Greenie", but whatever, it's the principle of the matter.

Returning Unwanted Christmas Gifts

Returns line at Wally World



Pause, and look around for a minute. Yes, there is probably at least $100 worth of unnecessary Christmas giftage that you should get off your butt and return.

• NYC 20 somethings living out their “Sex and the City” dream, look to your tiny closet and pull out that ugly matching knit cap and gloves (true story) from JC Penny and go get yourself some heels that those I Bankers will love.
• Alabama gents, take a gander at that third bag of socks from Wally World, and go get yourself a proper hunting cap for deer season. Whats up.

Tis the season to return, as the holidays present the BEST TIME OF THE YEAR TO RETURN MERCHANDISE. Here’s why:

• Nobody cares. Retail staffers get paid < $10 hr and won’t fight you over it, especially when they’re beaten down and overworked during the holidays.
• Nosy managers watching their margins aren’t so worried about negative receipts, as sales are up during the holiday season.
• Nobody has receipts, and it is very acceptable to return gifts without receipts, even for store credit rather than a straight refund.

Walmart: Gifts From "Aunty" That Suck

Are you kidding me?

Even Mr. Grinch would approve. Look at this thing.

It happens to everyone silly. While catching the “Walmart” Christmas spirit, that miscellaneous aunt or uncle that you speak to twice a year makes a half hearted attempt to get you a gift. Whether they give it a sincere try versus just getting something as cheap as possible that they think will pass at the “gift giving circle” of awkwardness.
Ugly sweater? JUST RETURN IT. They didn’t give you a receipt? JUST RETURN IT.