Eddie Bauers Ridiculous Return Policy

Weaker hands dread the “art of the return”. The Deal Messiah savors even the thought of it. It really is, after all, a mindset.
Due to the atrociously cold weather (whatever happened to global warming?) I recently brought out all of my “winter weather” gear. Naturally hailing from the southeast (location to remain undisclosed) I really don’t have much of it, but I have a small collection nonetheless. And this leads me to be a man of efficiency when it comes to my winter wardrobe.

My old friend Eddie Bauer and I have known each other for years, and get along quite well. Unlike the dirt-heads shown protesting EBs new “nano-fibers” above. Whatever. I’m staring at a small arsenal of Eddie Bauer “brand name” cold weather cotton/cashmere blend knits that I purchased about 3 years ago. As the crappy clothing that Eddie Bauer sells tends to do, it has all shrunk down to a point where it doesn’t fit me. This is unacceptable, and I’m planning to return all 6 sweaters, as well as a thicker cotton 1/4 zip up that has been irking me as it no longer fits.
I will update you sch-luffs with the results of my return in a future post. But for now, I’m just going to savor it.