It's Sunday morning, you decide: Church or $200 off a Sick Duo 3-Burner Gas and Charcoal Grill???

The Deal Messiah chose work, but it wasn't at church.

• We tried unsuccessfully to cook some baby back ribs and turkey burgers for a little shindig on Saturday night.  Unfortunately our gas grill was born in the 80's and the burner decided to rust off.

Walmart does a great value grill around $99, but I figured I could push the issue and come up with something a lot nicer for the same price. Seeing as how I am a superior negotiator and hustler, much more so than you are.

I scoured the internets for about 15 minutes, found something I liked (see below) and tagged it on Home Depot's website, they were selling it for $300. 

On Sunday a.m., I went right to www.nextag.com, for comparison's sake.  Lowe's, being the superior big box retailer, was running a special until April 11th for 33% off the grill, at $199.

The website said my local store was running low on inventory, and to call to confirm they had them.  So I immediately called and got the assistant mgr on the horn.

(remember always go the most accessible highest level of customer service that you can, the $6/hr employees can't make decisions so you're wasting your time and insults on them).  

The mgr assured me they had plenty of them, but I asked him to check anyway.  He did so, and corrected himself by saying they were all taken, but he could sell me the floor unit.  I dropped my classic line that all disciples should know, "Well, what can you do for me then, if I buy the floor unit?"

He offered me 10% off and said it was in great condition.  I said sure, put my name on it.  He said ok its yours, as long as you can get here before noon.  I said no problem.

Sure enough, at 11am, I get a call from the manager and he basically told me they had sold the unit that I had reserved.  I lit into him enough, just enough, to let him know I wasn't to be trifled with and was upset.  He said that he could make me a great deal on another grill, but I said no I want that one.  I then hit him again with, "Look you made a mistake, but I understand it was probably one of your employees not you, and I get that it isn't your fault."  Built them up, break them down, just like the army.

However, I know that you are the manager and can make decisions, so what are you going to do for me?  He said that he could offer me the grill for $100, that 9 were on order, and that I could pick it up next week in time for my birthday.  The cherry on top, he also threw in a free gas tank exchange.

Awesome.

Solving Problems With Hotwire.com: Just Another Stupid American In Paris Gets A $50 Credit

As red blooded Americans, we all know what jerks the French can be.  The Deal Messiah got a full taste of "French Hospitality" via Mrs. Messiah's recent trip to the best city in world (purportedly).  When Mrs. Messiah called back to the states in a tizzy over a horrible Hotwire.com room experience, he rode to the rescue on his white horse, knocked down a few supervisors, and came away with $50 Hotdollars.  The phone call to the Frenchy Holiday Inn is next, and it's not going to be pretty.

In the middle of my scuba certification class (I stayed stateside) I received 3 phone calls in a row from Mrs. Messiah.  Being the loyal and dedicated husband that I am, I broke away and called her back.  She was very upset, said that she had booked a 4 star hotel via Hotwire, and it was a total dump with no a/c.  And, the French hotel staff were being jerks (imagine that).

After my class, I got on the horn with Hotwire, and allowed them to play a game of "drop the ball" with me on the phone for 52 minutes.  They were unable to get anyone at the hotel (in Paris), to pick up the phone.  The supervisor "Mindy" based in Wisconsin said they couldn't resolve the issue until they got the hotel on the phone.  I would later discover that they were calling the wrong number, once I finally got a Hotwire rep on the phone that knew what she was doing.  She googled the hotel and got the right number.  Apparently the call center in Wisconsin had too much cheese or something and were coincidentally one step away from being retarded.

The supervisor offered to "throw me" 20 hotdollars, and I declined, pending an acceptable resolution.  I called back this morning and got another lady in a different call center.  She talked with the Frenchies, and they said they don't run their a/c units until May.  How convenient.  Isn't Paris a wonderful city?  If you can get past the attitude and European sense of responsibility, and condescending attitude.  Call me a stupid American, or a Ranch Dressing loving redneck even, but I've never even imagined a 4 star hotel that doesn't have a/c available in the rooms.

Once the agent spoke with the hotel, it became clear that there wasn't much she could do but offer me the 20 hotdollars.  I told her it wasn't enough and she needed to ask for at least 10% of the total ring for the 3 nights at the Holiday Inn Express "French Shitquarters".  She clicked over for about 30 seconds, and came back to me with 50 hotdollars.  Fair enough.

Next stop, the French hotel staff...

Jos A Bank: Returning Winter Clothes For Spring, And Jerk Asst Managers

Due to his incredible "return game" the Deal Messiah has only been denied a return twice, and one such occasion happened the other night.  The Deal Messiah was bored (again) on a Thursday night, and went out to return some worn winter clothing to Jos A Bank.  It is the first week of spring, so therefore time to recycle. 

I walked into Jos A Bank and immediately asked for the manager so that I could make a return.  The manager came out, and took a look at the three used shirts I'd placed unceremoniously on the counter. 

He asked "Have you worn these?"  I replied, "Of course."

He then proceeded to have an attitude with me.  I suspect it had something to do with my fancy hat, and he was probably having a bad night.  No offense, but every night would be a bad night working for Jos A Bank in some marginal strip center where I live. 

He continued to question my return, and after I pressed him a bit, he went to call his manager for approval.  The manager must've been off duty, I've dealt with the guy before, and he's let me return some pretty outrageous stuff there without an issue. 

Asst Manager huffypants returned with his feathers quite ruffled and told me that I could not make the return.  I proceeded to get pretty pissed off, and told him that the reason I shop with Jos, is for a level of customer service that I was clearly not getting tonight. 

He said that he could not in good conscience take the returns back, and I told him that I knew his manager and he would allow it.  He said in a big big puff, "You're dealing with me tonight, I"M IN CHARGE."  This really set me the wrong way, and I blew him up.

I ended up leaving in a big huff with my three shirts, and promptly drove to the other Jos A Bank store located in the big mall about 15 minutes away.  There I was greeted courteously and my return promptly processed.  Within 5 minutes, I had a credit of $106.33 on my credit card.  What's up.

This wasn't the end of it though, see my next post on how I dealt with the assistant manager, at the corporate level.  Shit rolls downhill.

Menage Trois Trader Joe's: The Deal Messiah Gets A Two For One

It has to happen at least once in every man's lifetime, and today it happened to the Deal Messiah. The mythical Menage A Trois. However, this wasn't of the sexual nature, although the Deal Messiah certainly felt gratified afterward.

I've had an old office chair up for sale on Craigslist now for at least two weeks with absolutely no interest.  Finally, out of the blue, I get a call from a German lady who just moved to the area.  However, she lives about 45 minutes away, and was really weird about coming to pick up the chair.  We decided that I would meet her friend, who happened to work at our local Trader Joe's, and I would do the deal with him there.

We're moving out of this god forsaken place at the end of the month, and it occurred to me that we probably have a bunch of food in the pantry that we're not going to use.  I did a quick sweep and pulled 3 cans of light coconut milk, a box of pumpkin pancake mix, and a bottle of maple syrup (all trader joe's brand).  What the hell, let's try to return this stuff, I seem to be able to return everything else known to man...including dog food.

Dude met me as promised outside of Trader Joe's, and I collected my $ for the used chair.  Sold sight unseen, only via photos.  I also mentioned to dude that I had a few returns to make, and asked if he could help me.  He said sure, no problem, and we went inside.

He turned out to be the assistant manager, and processed my returns in no time flat.  I got an exchange coupon worth enough to buy a sixer of their Fat Weasel Ale (7.1%) and a bottle of their Prosecco, which Mrs. Messiah can't seem to get enough of.

Excellent.  I love getting it a two-fer.

Wintergreen Ski Rental Discount: 25% Off For The Deal Messiah

The Deal Messiah takes his "game" on the road, even for a fun ski vacation. Resorts and those patronizing tourists love to stick it to you, while you're relaxing and not on your A Game. The Deal Messiah aims to be a beacon of light, that people should follow on their vacations, so they don't get unnecessarily hoodwinked.



I went down to figure out my ski lift ticket, and rental early Saturday morning, and discovered the place to be a full blown circus. Apparently every yahoo in the southeast got a memo to descend on Wintergreen Ski Resort last Saturday. The rental line alone was 2 hours. So I bailed and decided to come back later in the day.

Upon my grandiose return, and after a few Coors Light, I discovered that the resort had "run out of snowboard rentals". Non sense. I told the lady at the ticket window that I wanted to buy a half day pass, and she said she couldn't sell it to me today because they were so busy. I made the argument that they were out of boards, and I was being asked to wait 30 minutes for other people to return their boards.

I dropped my classic line, "What can you do for me."

She said she could ask the manager, and returned to grant me a 25% off discount on my snowboard rental. Not too bad, just for asking. Also, it turned out that I went back and checked at the actual rental station, and they had a board that had just come in, so there was no wait. Nice.